We sat in silence as we ate our dinner.
I really wanted to talk to him, I wanted him to answer my questions, like:
Why does he want me to live with him?
Did he ….kill Oliver?
What am I supposed to do? I have college, friends and I need to find a job. He can’t just keep me here…
I cleared my throat and looked at him.
He swallowed his wine and caught my eyes.
I stiffened as I looked at his figure. He looked like a freaking Greek God.
“Damon…” I said, nervously.
Why do I always have to be so nervous around him?
“Yes?” He said, curiously.
I looked at him and then down at my plate.
“Um…” I looked at him and no words came out.
He looked at me suspiciously and frowned.
“Something wrong?” He asked, and his coldness made me shiver.
“Um… n-no, I just… you know you can’t keep me here against my will?” I asked so quickly it came out as one word.
He looked at me playfully.
“Oh, can’t I?” He asked and I looked him in the eyes.
Yes, he can.
I looked down and bit my lip.
He smirked and took a sip of his wine.
I finished eating quickly and rushed up to my room.
I closed the doors behind me and let out a breath I didn’t know I was holding.
I packed my bag with books and papers for college tomorrow. I was going to spend a day out, I had college from 8am to 1pm and then I’d look around for a part time job. Then, I planned to visit Vicky.
I was frustrated and angry. I let him… kiss me and … touch me… I didn’t know what was happening to me.
It was wrong. Everything was wrong.
He was wrong.
Suddenly, I felt like something hit my head and cleared it from the fog.
What am I doing here?
I hate feeling like this. Once I’m feeling like he could be… right. That I can stay with him and be happy.
But can I be happy with him?
With someone who takes pleasure from people’s pain…
But you let him…
You let him do whatever he wants to you… I mean you fucking nearly died because of him! Slut.
He doesn’t even tell you anything…
you don’t know anything about him…
You seriously have no self respect.
I decided that it can’t be like this. I need to get a grip and … leave him. This time for good. If he isn’t going to explain everything to me, that’s it. And he won’t be able to stop me.
We can’t just keep playing around.
I rushed out of my room and nearly fall over.
“Are you okay?” I heard Damon say. I looked up and there he was, only with a towel wrapped around his torso. I immediately straightened myself and didn’t let my eyes drop anywhere over than his face. That would be too distracting.
“I’m fine.” I said, quickly.
He took a step closer and tried to grab my arm.
“No! Don’t.” I said with adrenaline as I flinched back.
He frowned in confusion.
“Don’t, Damon. Don’t touch me. This is all wrong-” I said as he looked me in the eyes. “You. You are wrong.” My voice cracked a bit.
“You don’t tell me anything. I know
nothing about you! I got fucking shot because of you! And don’t tell me you saved my life but you’re the reason why it needed saving in the first place!” I shouted at him as he just stood there, anger slowly growing inside him. His lips pressed into a thin line and he looked me in the eyes rather irritated. “We’ve been here, Natalie. You know how that ended up.” I remembered the time I moved out to Lola, but ended up making out with Damon in his penthouse. “But I mean it this time-” “You meant it the last time too!” He finally snapped and I widened my eyes at his sudden rise of voice. “You want the truth? Is that it? Well the truth is I’m a monster, Natalie! I grew up damaged and I’m beyond repair now, I can’t stand it… I hate it when you want to leave, yet I know you should! I just… I think… I love you..” My heart fluttered and I started taking quick breaths. “I don’t want you to leave. Not now, not ever. I never though I could be capable of such a feeling towards anyone but here you are. I know I don’t tell you anything, but I… I’m a-afraid you won’t want me when I’ll explain everything. I’m cold, I’ve done things most people would want to die rather than do, and yet I don’t feel any guilt. Maybe you’re right to leave me- but I don’t care. I want you here, with me. I know I can’t promise that I won’t hurt you, because I know I will. I’m sorry, okay? For all the trouble I got you though. But that’s just the way I am. And I am selfish… cold… arrogant and possessive. And yet when I”m around you I feel different. Like my life has meaning… So don’t say you’ll leave me. Ever. Don’t take that feeling away, don’t make my life pointless again.
Please .” Suddenly I felt bad, about the whole leaving thing. I felt selfish, I thought I was the only one it was affecting. It also felt good to be wrong, because I finally knew that he actually has feelings. Who am I kidding? I fell for him too. I don’t regret meeting him, I feel flattered at his words. Yet words- weren’t actions. But he had no idea how grateful I was for those words- it was a sign he was finally opening up to me. He wasn’t just a cold shadow anymore, he wasn’t some scary Mr Queen. He was just Damon, and I loved that about him. And I loved him, just how he was, and I didn’t give a shit what others thought.
And now, more than ever, I felt like I never wanted to leave him, no matter how scary the future seemed. As far as we’d get through it together.