(My heart desire )
BY BLESSING SILVER
Leona watched her mom move restlessly up and down the waiting room, a worried look on her face. Leona tapped her sandal continuously on the tiled floor.. Damien was beside her, comforting and assuring her. They were desperately waiting for the doctor to come out..
The thick stench of antiseptic, drug and blood made Leona nauseous but she accepted the queasy feeling, only hoping that nothing bad had happened to her father. . Her head snapped up as footsteps approached them.. Her mother was already on the doctor who had a stethoscope around his neck and a clipboard. . Leona stood up alongside Damien.
“How’s he? How’s my husband doing?” Her mom threw questions at him but he placed a palm on her shoulder, calming her with a small smile.
“He’s fine” he answered plainly.
“What’s his diagnosis?
He suddenly collapsed after gasping for air”
“Well, madam. Your husband’s suffering from drug abuse,” he announced, Leona face suddenly wore a confused expression.
“Drug abuse?” Elisabeth repeated.
“Yes. Your husband has been on sedatives to help him sleep, though we couldn’t find any sleeping difficulty from his past records so we assumed, he’s been using the drugs for its euphoric effects. Now zolpidem, the sedative your husband has been taken is a hypnotic substance that depresses the central nervous system and allows its users to sleep more fully..” the doctor said.
“You’re saying that dad took zolpidem even though he had no sleep disorder?” Leona asked.
“Yes and he continually took them, sometimes in excess and at the early stage of this addiction, he must’ve noticed some of the negative effects which are drowsiness, headache and dizziness and have ignored them and right now the abuse stage is in what I’ll call the middle stage. He’s okay for now but as time goes on he’ll start to show signs of panic attacks, slight amnesia and sleeplessness but it’ll only last for a short time. . Luckily his organs haven’t been affected much, they’re just weakened and will begin to get healthy once he stops the sedatives completely and take in more healthy foods” he said. .
“Oh my God!” Elisabeth exclaimed, almost collapsing but Damien caught her and she sobbed on his chest.
“Can we see him?” Leona asked.
“Yes but you can’t make noise or touch him, he needs all the rest he can get for now” he said before walking away.
Leona sighed, fighting back her own tears. . She held her mom as they walked into her dad’s ward. There were two beds on each side, her dad laid on one.. An oxygen laid on his nose and his hand had a clip, drips were connected on two sides of his body and he was still.. Leona held herself from breaking down as Elisabeth wouldn’t stop crying. She finally left Damien and went to sit close to him, she didn’t utter a word, only her soft sniffs were heard as tears ran down her cheeks. Leona moved herself to the wall, fearing that she might collapse if she keeps standing and watching her helpless dad..
She had no idea he was on sedatives for the fun of it and she had never noticed any of the symptoms the doctor had mentioned or maybe she had but she can’t recollect when.. If truly he had hid them then he did a great job cos from her mom’s expression, she also had no idea about what he has been doing to himself. .
After the whole silent moment, Leona and Damien walked out of the ward, leaving her mother alone with her husband. The stepped out of the hospital. .
“It’s past ten, shouldn’t you be heading home?” She asked.
“Will you be okay?” He asked back “if you want I can stay more”
“No,” Leona shook her head “we’re fine and besides you’ve done enough. Your granny will be worried about you” she said.
“I’m sorry you didn’t get to use the ticket you worked hard to win, but you see my-” her voice trailed off as tears hooked it, she took in quick breathes, he drew her to himself, hugging her..
“It’s okay Leona, it’s just me.. you can let it out now” he said and Leona buried her face in his chest, crying out..
Damien consoled her, running his palm up and down her back and whispering words of comfort to her.. they stayed that way for close to a minute before Leona suddenly pulled away, wiping her tears..
“It’s okay.. I’ll gladly give you my chest if you need someone to lean on for anything” he said.. “I’m always here for you”
Leona gave him a small smile..
“I’ll come over tomorrow to check up on you guys and don’t hesitate to call me if something comes up or if you just need a friend or a babysitter to keep you company.. I’ll come no matter what” he said and Leona nodded with a slight smile.
“I will. Bye” she said.
“Bye!” He said, giving her a small wave, he waited for her to go in first before hitting the road home.
Leona wiped her face continuously, trying to leave no trace of tears or a sign that she had cried.. she gently opened the door and entered the room. . Her mom was still where she had left her, close to her father. . Sobbing and not saying a word while looking soberly at him.
“Mom,” Leona said quietly, placing a palm on her shoulder “It’s time to go home” she said and her mom looked at her wryly before shaking her head.
“I want to stay” she said, her voice cracking, Leona barely heard what she said.
“I already talked to the doctor, he says dad will be unconscious tomorrow and we might take him home if he’s okay enough for it.. he says dad’s fine, he just needs a big and quiet rest. He can’t have that if we stay here. Please mom” she said and her mom didn’t budge. . Her stare stayed on Jesse for seconds and Leona almost thought she was going to refuse but instead she stood up.
“Let’s go” she said dryly before walking out. Leona opened the car door for her before moving to the driver’s. .
All through the ten minutes drive, Leona noticed her mom’s gaze outside the window, staring at anything they moved past.. Leona sighed softly as she drove into the gate, they got down and walked into the house. .
“Should I get you coffee or something?” She asked her mom.
“No” she answered.
“Okay. You should get some sleep then, you’ll need all the strength for tomorrow” she said. “I’ll be in my room” Leona said before turning to go.
“Leona” her mom called and she turned to face her..
“Yes” she answered after the silent treatment from her.
“I..I did it” she said, emotions clouding her words. Leona walked up to her where she stood.
“You did what?” She asked and her mom sighed and shut her eyes, tears falling. . They fluttered open and Leona saw the fear in them, she knew that whatever her mom wanted to say must be big and Leona wondered what it was.
“Zolpidem. I gave it to him..” she said and Leona’s brows furrowed, almost to the point of touching each other.
“I swear I didn’t know it would harm him! I did it cos I was angry and.. jealous.. I was just crazy! I wasn’t even thinking! I didn’t know I was killing him” she said, tears poured down from her eyes as her body trembled.
Leona was speechless, she didn’t know what to say or do, she just stood and watched her mom cry but one thing she knew was that her mother wouldn’t never do something like that without a reason even though in this case, she didn’t think any reason is justifiable.
“For how long?” Leona asked calmly, chugging down the lump of spittle in her throat.
“S-six months” she revealed painfully. “I swear I didn’t mean to. He was cheating, a lot and I couldn’t take it.. there were so many evidences but he still wouldn’t admit it or apologize.. I was hurt! I felt fooled and cheated that he went out with girls your age and spends largely on them, barely remembering he has a family. Many nights I couldn’t sleep, I would cry my eyes out until I cried every iota if dizziness away, It led to a sleeping disorder and I began using sedatives to get myself to sleep most nights but no matter how hard I confront him, Jesse wouldn’t stop.
I caught him red handed when I went to deliver foods to my buyer,” she paused, gulping down the bile in her throat “he was right on the couch, clad in only his boxer short, it hurt me that he didn’t notice me and even more when I saw the girl he was with, she looked like someone that had barely finished high school. I was completely furious, I should’ve called him, I should’ve dragged him out and challenged him but I didn’t. I left and after hours of cry, I thought deeply.. why should I be the only one suffering even when I’m not at fault? Why should he keep using his energy to have fun while I use mine to cry over something he does? I couldn’t take it anymore, ” she sniffed, pausing for a brief moment. “So I used my medication on him. Each time I find out about his cheats, I increased the pills.. You must’ve wondered why I don’t talk about it even after knowing, I punish him with the drug and at first it helped me cos your dad became too lazy to hang out anymore.. I saw the texts and calls, all about failed promises he had made to visit his whores. I was glad, I only made myself see the positive sides, I saw it at the only way to get my marriage back, I didn’t think about the consequences.. I didn’t want to know about anything else.
“I’m sorry,” she sniffed “I’m so sorry” she cried more, crouching to the floor and hugging her knees. Still a bit perplexed, Leona rushed to her and held her.
“I-it’s okay. It’s okay mom” she comforted “it isn’t your fault.. Though you should’ve comfronted him but I’m sure every woman in your shoes would do anything to stop their husbands from cheating, yours isn’t an exception” She said, rubbing her back and letting her rest her head on her bosom.
“This Is all dad’s fault, he pushed you to do it.. We just need to be strong for him and hope he comes out of this real quick” she said “please stop crying mom” she begged, fighting in her own tears that threatened to fall.
Her mom whimpered before looking at her..
“I feel so evil”
“You’re not. You’re not evil.. You’re human and you acted like one. We’re just lucky it wasn’t too late for him” she told her, wiping her tears with her thumb. She nodded rapidly.
“Stand up, let’s take you to bed” she helped her up “Dad will be awake tomorrow and we will bring him home.. We need all the strength we can get for it” she said and led her mom to up the stairs then to the room she shared with Jesse. She tucked her in and waited for her to sleep before walking back to the sitting room, she saw that Mandy had already cleared the table and probably left for the day. With a tired sigh, Leona walked to her room.. She wearily wore her nighties and settled on the couch, sighing again.
She would never have thought her mom could do something like that, though her fears and pain pushed her but Leona would’ve preferred a face to face interaction or seeing a therapist than doing what her mom did.
She had thought her mom had decided to overlook Jesse’s schemes, she didn’t know she already had a plan and she knew her mother would never hurt anyone intentionally. And her dad, well she couldn’t pity him for anything.. She only hoped he’d get out of it.. Every single thing he got was exactly what he deserved, or even more cos she clearly remembered when he had nothing and how her mom stuck by him nevertheless.. She was always there and even when he was broke, she’d work hard and use her earns to feed them. She never complained about his incompetence.. She never fought him or insulted him like some women would. She stood by him lovingly and never changed her attitude towards him.. She was always there for him even when he cheated at first.. She was willing to forgive him but he wouldn’t stop.. He simply got what he deserved. And even though she was feeling bad, Leona would always stand by her no matter what. She sighed again and grabbed her phone when it started to ring. She checked the caller.
Okay everyone, let’s debate.. Do you think Elisabeth did the right thing by using drugs on Jesse? If yes or no, give your reasons.
What would be your own defense if you were in her shoes??
Everyone should participate please, I enjoy reading your comments, I’ll react on the best ones. .
10 comments and 20 shares for next chapter.. I couldn’t wait for the target to be reached on the previous chapter cos I was starting to have a flat battery and there’s no light but I trust you all to reach it tonight.
BY BLESSING SILVER